


The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Fools

by raebands



Series: Avengers: Earth's Mightiest... [10]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: April Fools' Day, Chaos, Crack, Gen, mpreg joke, no real mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-11 03:23:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19524553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raebands/pseuds/raebands
Summary: There is one day of the year that Loki and Maria both love. This day is the first day of April, otherwise known as April Fools'. What happens when the Avengers go on a pranking spree on one another?





	The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Fools

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure why I didn't include Natasha in this one. I guess I just forgot her? I wrote this years ago, so I'm really not sure why she isn't here. She would have fit in well and it would have been great to have her.

Maria wakes up with a devilish smile on her face. To anyone else, the day is just a normal day. Just the day after March 31st. But to Maria, this day holds so much potential. The day is special, in many different ways. This is one of Maria's favorite days. This day is April Fools' day.

She slides out of her bed and walks to her bathroom. She misses the light switch a few times before she finally makes contact. The dull yellow lights come on above her. They barely light up anything for the first few minutes they're on. They just have to be the kind that have to warm up before any illumination is offered. Maria squints into the mirror and is pleased by what she almost sees.

Her hair is perfectly in place, just like every morning. Her makeup has magically stayed where it needs to be. No smears, nothing missing. This is due to the fact that she sleeps still, lying flat on her back. She doesn't recall the last time she moved in her sleep. She was trained to stay still so that she can remain unnoticed if she is ever in a dangerous situation. She can be as still as the dead if she wants to be.

When the lights have finally warmed up enough for Maria to be able to see, she scrutinizes herself more. After a moment, she smiles again in satisfaction. Nothing wrong at all. She slept wonderfully. Except for the fact that she really needs a cup of coffee, of course. That usually waits for her to get to work, though. If it doesn't, she has to move right to the nearest bathroom when she gets to the S.H.I.E.L.D. base. So yeah. Coffee can wait.

Maria picks up her toothbrush and attempts to squirt some toothpaste onto the bristles. Of course today would be the day that she runs out of toothpaste. She riffles through the drawer, hoping against hope that she has another tube. At the very back of the drawer, she finds a brand new tube. She holds it up triumphantly before squeezing some onto her brush.

After brushing, she goes back into her room and changes from her pajamas into her uniform. It isn't all that comfortable, but it gets the job done. She brushes through her hair, which didn't really need it, and pulls it back into her signature bun. She grabs her keys and heads out the door, smile still in place.

* * *

Loki sits up with much the same expression as Maria's. He, however, isn't near as neat as she is. His hair is in its usual morning mass of untidy curls. They bounce around his head, dangling on his shoulders. He doesn't have to worry about any makeup smears, so that isn't a problem. He rubs his face a bit, trying not to disturb Sigyn, who still sleeps beside him.

She has had to stay up nearly every night to take care of Dagna. The baby cries and screams, just as Loki did when he was her age. Sigyn stays up with her most nights. It isn't because Loki doesn't, but because he can't do much to calm her anyway. She doesn't seem to like her father very much.

Loki slips out of bed as carefully as he can. Sigyn stirs slightly, but doesn't wake. He pads softly into the bathroom and takes a cool shower. He is sure to use the shampoo and conditioner that helps keep his hair halfway manageable. When he gets out, he dresses quickly and silently. Even the slightest noises wake Sigyn these days.

He runs a brush through his hair, not bothering to slick it back. As long as it isn't sticking out in all directions, he doesn't care. Not today. He has more important things to worry about today. Today is a special day for him. It's like the humans made the day just for him. April Fools' day. A day for tricks.

As this thought travels through his mind, he grins. When he finishes up his hair, he peers over at Sigyn. She's still asleep. Good. That means it should be relatively easy to get out. The kids sleep through anything. Except the baby. That doesn't really matter, though. Loki is sure that he can find some sort of spell in his mind to keep himself silent. He used to do it frequently enough.

He opens the door quietly and slips right out of the room. He whispers, "I love you. Sleep well."

He gets out of the room without any problems. He and his family have their own floor in the Avengers tower. He is grateful, but it causes trouble when he is trying to get out of the building without being noticed. Oh well. He'll just make himself invisible. It's easy enough.

Muttering the spell, he looks down to make sure that it works like it ought to. When he doesn't see himself, he smiles again. He walks to the stairs. He doesn't like those elevators. Anyone who is awake downstairs would see the elevator come down and open, too. That would cause suspicion, and Loki knows that suspicion doesn't work with operations like this.

When he reaches the main floor, Loki heads straight for the kitchen. This area of the tower seems to be where most of the Avengers hang out. It's the perfect place for a trick. The perfect place to wait. Of course, usually he would set up a trap and wait for it to explode in someone's face. That's not how April Fools' works, though. You have to fool someone. And traps aren’t really fooling anyone. They're just funny.

As he waits for his victim, Loki begins to think of a plan. A plan that sets a diabolical grin on his face.

* * *

Maria pulls into the parking lot and climbs out of her car. She locks it behind her and walks up to the building. She proceeds to complete the entry check. This consists of an eye scan, voice recognition, and the swipe of her S.H.I.E.L.D. ID card. When the doors open, she moves through them quickly. They never stay open long. That would cause too much of a security risk. There may be people waiting to get in behind an agent. Something like that would ruin their entire business.

Maria walks to her locker, which is right beside Phil's, and pulls out her gear. When she has it all out, she is equipped with two pistols with an extra round for each, a Taser, a comm. link, a pocket sized S.H.I.E.L.D. code book, and a stack of paperwork. Fury takes the liberty of putting in the paperwork, as he is too lazy to complete it himself.

She looks over when she sees movement out of the corner of her eye. It's Phil, opening his own locker. Maria puts on a worried expression.

"Phil, are you okay?"

The agent in question nods, looking slightly confused.

"I feel perfectly fine. Why do you ask?"

Maria looks at his face hard, as if trying to make out something. "There's something in your eye…Oh, it's moving!"

Phil, the one who never ever shows much emotion, looks positively terrified. He drop his own equipment and runs to the nearest bathroom, leaving Maria cackling behind him. He wrenches open the bathroom door and looks into the mirror, leaning up as close to it as he can. He looks at both eyes, trying to find what she was talking about. When he positive that there is nothing there and she must have been seeing things, he walks slowly out of the bathroom. He feels stupid now, but he doesn't show it much. He goes back to his locker. Maria is now gone. He gathers up his things and closes the locker door. On it is a post-it note. He pulls off the paper. It reads, in Maria's handwriting, 'April Fools! ;)'

Phil scowls. Oh, she is going to get it.

* * *

Loki looks up as Tony walks into the room, still in his PJs. The inventor scratches his beard and rubs his face tiredly. He trudges straight to the fridge, apparently unaware of Loki's presence. He pours himself a cup of milk. It takes him about half the cup before he sees Loki looking at him in worry.

"What are you staring at? Why are you even up?"

Loki silently points at Tony's chest. The smaller man blinks and looks down. He lets out an, "UH!" and puts his cup down. He unbuttons the top of his shirt and stares at the circle on his chest. It's usually glowing. It should be glowing now. But it's not. The light is out.

Tony leans against the counter. He looks horrified. He finally looks at Loki and says, "Do something! You're just gonna stand there and let me die? Come on, man!"

Loki laughs and for a moment, Tony thinks that he has gone back to his old ways. Then he flicks his wrist and the light comes back on. Tony blinks a few times, still trying to calm down and wrap his mind around what's going on. Why on earth would Loki scare him that badly? What did he do to make the trickster angry? He remembers right as Loki says it.

"April Fools'."

"Oh, boy, you're gonna pay for that."

Loki laughs and says, "Finish your milk, Stark. Then we'll see who is going to pay."

Tony glares, but lifts his glass up again. As he does so, it spills all over the place. When he lifts the now empty glass, he sees that the bottom is gone. He turns to Loki again, probably to say some choice words, but sees that the trickster has disappeared.

"April Fools' indeed," Tony mutters under his breath.

* * *

Maria strides up to Fury, just as she does every day. She can't let him know what's going on. She can't let him know what she's planning. She's been planning this for weeks now. It took her that long to figure out how to even trick Fury. He always seems to be ahead. Not this time, though. Maria tells herself that this time will be different. He can't possibly know what it is she is going to say. She hasn't told anyone else.

Just as she opens her mouth to deliver the 'news', Fury says, "You're fired."

That makes Maria go still. He has never fired anyone. He only ever gave warnings. She must have done something really bad for him to immediately fire her. She can't think of anything, though. Her record is clean, as far as she knows. Someone must have lied and told Fury that she had done something awful.

"Why, Sir? What did I do?"

Fury is quiet for a moment. He seems to be debating who to answer. Finally he says, "It pains me very much to say this. You were pretty close. Of course, you know that. I trusted you with tasks that not many can be trusted with. It hurts to know that my trust was wasted. There really is no good way to tell you this. I'm sorry, Agent Hill."

Maria nods slightly. She doesn't seem to really understand. He hasn't told her any reason for her being fired. As far as she knows, he doesn't have a reason. He's just firing her. But that doesn't make sense at all. Here he is, apologizing for having to do it. So he doesn't want to have to. There has to be a reason from an outside source. He has to have a base for this.

Fury says quietly, "Happy April Fools' day, Maria."

He walks away, a small smile on his face. Phil snickers and even dares to point at her. Maria is stunned. She starts to laugh softly in relief and embarrassment. She's been fooled. The unfoolable has been fooled. Fury really is one step ahead.

* * *

Loki moves to the living room to wait. He doesn't expect to see Tony already sitting on the couch. He hadn't thought that he spent that much time in the bathroom, laughing. Tony looks up at him and scowls. His phone sits on the table, which is unusual. It's usually in his pocket.

Loki sits on the couch opposite Tony. He asks, "So, what's wrong with your phone?"

Tony says vehemently, "Your stupid little trick. That's what."

Loki raises an eyebrow and says, "I didn't even know you had it with you."

  
Tony snorts. "Well, I did."

Loki rolls his eyes and looks away.

Tony says, "Okay, I'm no good at these. There's nothing wrong with it. April Fools'."

Loki has to laugh about that. Tony must be terrible at April Fools' pranks if he really thought that his little stunt would actually trick him. He looks over at Tony's face and bursts into new laughter. The genius is, by all definitions, pouting. Loki just stares for a moment, laughing. It really is funny. Ridiculously so.

Steve walks in after a moment, yawning and stretching. He doesn't usually get up this late, but he apparently decided that it would be a good day to sleep in. He waves at Loki and Tony.

"Good morning, guys. What are you doing?"

"Talking about our engagement," Tony deadpans.

Steve looks confused for a second. Then entirely disgusted. He backs away, looking like he's going to throw up. Loki, though, has to hold in his laughter. His face is turning slightly red, and his shoulders shake with the effort. Maybe Stark isn't so bad at this after all.

Steve says in a loud whisper, "That's gross."

Tony looks at him for a moment, a dull expression still on his face. Then he sits up straighter and says, "April Fools'! We're just talking about how Loki made me spill my drink all over myself and now I'm gonna kill him for it."

Steve sighs in relief. He says, "You really had me there. That was scary. I mean…wow. Okay. I'm gonna go make breakfast. Do you two want some?"

Loki nods, looking starved, and Tony says, "Sure. Thanks."  
Steve nods and heads into the kitchen, humming softly. Tony turns to Loki and they both start chortling quietly.

* * *

Fury is walking around his office. He's actually bored. He has nothing to do, which is strange, since he directs the world's largest homeland security agency. You'd think that he would have something to occupy his mind. Just as he is sitting down to play solitaire on the computer, a knock comes at the door. He hurriedly closes the game window.

"The door is open."

Maria opens up the door and peeks in through a crack.  
"Sir, the council is asking for you."

Fury frowns even more than usual. Usually the counsel sets appointments and meetings. They almost never ask to see him suddenly. Not unless there is an emergency.

"I'll be right there."

Maria nods and slips out. When she is gone, Fury finishes up his game in a rush. He wins anyway, and quickly stands. He heads to the counsel room swiftly, walking as fast as he can without running. When he gets there, he finds that the entire council is there and waiting for him. They're never all there.

"What is it now? A world threat? Is Loki back to his evil games? Give it to me."

One of the shaded over council members says, "There is a new threat. One that we can't see or locate. He calls himself Shadow Beam."

  
Fury snorts and says, "Who really calls himself 'Shadow Beam'? That's just stupid."

"We never said he was smart. But he has threatened the entire continent of North America. That includes you. So you need to do something about it."

Fury furrows his eyebrows. This all seems a little fishy. A little too fishy. Invisible? Dumb name? This has to be some sort of joke.

"You're just pulling my leg, aren't you? There isn't really a Shadow Beam, is there?"

The council members hang their heads.

"No," one admits. "It's just a joke. An April Fools' joke. We were bored and had nothing else to do."

Fury nods. "I get ya. So, what's up?"

* * *

As Loki scarfs down the last of the pancakes, Tony says, "Dude. You've eaten all the pancakes."

Loki swallows and says, "Well, expecting mothers need a lot of fuel. It takes a lot to ensure that both the mother and child have enough nutrition."

Tony makes a horrified face and Steve looks like he smells something awful. Clint enters at this moment. He takes in Tony and Steve's expressions and then looks at Loki. The latter looks perfectly innocent. Even a little hurt.

"So, how's the baby?"

Loki grins up at him and says, "She's doing brilliantly. I just felt her moving around this morning."

Clint smiles. "That's wonderful." He turns to the others and says, "Morning, guys."

He moves to the cabinets and pulls out his favorite cereal and bowl. He pours in the food and then sticks a spoon in it. He puts the bowl in front of the seat beside Loki and goes to get the milk. He pours the milk into his bowl and carries it back to the fridge. When he goes back to his seat, he gives Loki's shoulder a squeeze.

Steve stands abruptly and goes to start the dishes. Tony just gapes at the two as Clint starts to dig into his cereal. Loki has even managed to work up a blush.

Tony finally says, "So…this is awkward."

Clint shrugs and continues eating. Inside, Loki is positively thrilled that Clint plays along so well. It's almost as if the two were made to be teammates. He wonders for a moment how the archer knows him so well. That thought is banished when he remembers the time they spent in each other's minds during the Chitauri invasion.

Tony stares for a moment before pointing. "Hey! You're just fooling us, aren't you?"

Loki looks hurt and Clint says, "You don't think we're being honest? Gosh. I was hoping for more support than that."

Tony shakes his head and says indignantly, "No, you're lying. I can tell by that look on your face. That's your lie face."

Clint finally gives in and says, "You're right. We're lying. At least I am. I don't know about him. He's one messed up individual."

Loki laughs. "No, I'm not really pregnant. That doesn't happen."

  
Tony smirks. "Not even with Sleipnir?"

  
Loki blushes and says, "That was the only time. Honestly. And besides, I was a mare."

Tony rolls his eyes, still smirking. "You were still pregnant. That's funny."

Steve looks over and asks fearfully, "So, he's not…pregnant?"

Tony shakes his head, grinning from ear to ear. "No, Spangles. It's okay."

Steve nods slowly and gets to work again. Nobody misses Loki's whisper of, "April Fools'.

* * *

Fury gets a call a few minutes later from Clint.

_"Hey, Director Fury? Has Maria played any tricks yet?"_

Fury sighs and says, "Yes. Loads of them. She hasn't stopped, I don't think. She had everyone spewing coffee, a few guys screaming like girls, a woman screaming like a man, Phil crying. She even had me scared that I forgot my eye patch. She's gone haywire! I don't know what to do anymore."

_"Sir, I think I have a solution. Loki has been pulling pranks on us all. He's too good. I think it's time he met his match."_

Fury can't stop the sadistic grin that crawls across his face. He checks to make sure that no one is nearby before asking, "Where do you want them to meet? I can set it up rather easily, I think."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, a S.H.I.E.L.D. helicopter lands on top of Avengers Tower. He had a helipad built on it just for this purpose. Clint looks up and grins. He, Loki, Steve, and Tony are in the sitting room. The others are still asleep. Or, they were until the helicopter landed. It's nearly impossible to sleep through that, though Thor probably could.

Tony looks a little confused, but not really surprised. He has grown to expect unexpected visitations. It comes with being a billionaire superhero. Steve wonders who in the world would be visiting at this hour, but says nothing. Loki looks up curiously.

None of them get up. Anyone from S.H.I.E.L.D. knows how to get down to them. They all know the ins and outs of Avengers Tower. That's actually a bit scary. There's nowhere for them to hide if the organization ever goes bad. They'd have to go somewhere else. Probably out of the country. And even then they wouldn't have a very good chance of staying out of their radar. They easily found Loki in Germany.

Only moments later, Maria comes down into the main room. It's amazing how fast she can move down the stairs. The elevator certainly wouldn't be able to get her down so quickly. They can all hear the helicopter take off again.

Maria gets right down to business. "So, I've been sent here on a mission to best Loki in an April Fools' competition."

Loki looks surprised. He looks over at Clint, who grins at him. Loki turns back to Maria and says, "Fine. We all know who will win."

* * *

Five hours later, all the Avengers are awake. Loki and Maria have been going at it since the agent arrived. Clint and Natasha enjoy watching the most. It is amusing for everyone, but the agents love watching things like this.

"Your hair is sticking out," Loki attempts.

Maria shakes her head, smirking. She knows it isn't. "No it's not."

Loki scowls. He has no idea what to do. He can't seem to find any tricks. Of course, it's going to be hard for him to trick her at all since she is expecting him to try. Just as it's going to be nearly impossible for her to trick him. He knows she's going to try.

Maria stares at him for a moment before saying, "You're slouching."

Loki shakes his head, smiling faintly. Maria mutters something under her breath. When Loki sniffs, she gets an idea.  
"Your nose is running."

Loki instinctively reaches up and wipes his nose. Then he realizes what just happened and his shoulders slump forward. Maria wears a triumphant grin. Loki is fighting back a smile. He shouldn't be happy. A mortal just won against him in a tricking contest. That is not cool. Not cool at all.

Tony says, "Maria wins!"

Loki nods and says, "Congratulations, Miss Hill. You have bested me in my own forte."

Maria laughs and says, "I've been practicing. This is my favorite day."

Loki smiles at that. "Mine, too."

Sigyn comes down the stairs, carrying Dagna. She looks at Loki with an irritated expression. The room goes silent. She can get really mean when she's mad. It's amazing how angry she can get.

"Loki."

The dark haired god seems to shrink. Sigyn stomps over to him. She holds out the baby to him. He takes her gently and holds her close.  
"What?"

Sigyn says angrily, "You said that you were going to take care of her today. That I could have a break. And you left me with her. You said we were going to do this together. That you would be there for me when I was trying to raise this one. That you weren't going to disappear like you did with the twins and Hela. I can't do this anymore. This time I'll be the one leaving you."

Loki opens and closes his mouth, trying to find the words for what he's trying to say. He looks down at Dagna, at a loss for words.

When he looks back up, he sees that Sigyn is smiling.

"April Fools', my darling. April Fools'."

* * *

Maria spends the rest of the day with the Avengers. She and Loki team up for several tricks, which are much better than the ones they completed solo. Late that evening, everyone joins together to pull the biggest prank on Thor.

"Alright, guys. Listen. We've got to make a plan," Tony says in a hoarse whisper.

Everyone but Thor, who is still somehow asleep, is gathered in a circle football style. Clint and Loki both wear huge grins. They have been standing around together a lot today, making plans of their own. All of their plans have been more believable than anyone else's. The others have just been saying stupid things, which aren't very entertaining.

"Thor is probably the most gullible of all of us. He's going to be easy to trick. But we have to make it good. Does anyone have any ideas?"

They are all silent for a little while before Natasha says, "He's really chivalrous."  
Tony nods. "Yes. He is. That's wonderful. Now.... we have to find a way to bring that into the prank."

Loki says, "His girlfriend. Jane. We can set her up somewhere. Of course she would know. But Thor would fall for it easily."

Tony points at Loki. "Excellent. Now we need to flesh that out a bit. Maybe if we...."

* * *

Barely over an hour later, Steve bursts into Thor's room.

"Thor! Thor, wake up! It's Loki! He's got Jane!"

Thor sits bolt upright. He jumps out of the bed like he wasn't just asleep. He doesn't bother to change into day clothes, but he doesn't forget Mjolnir. He runs past Steve, who is holding back a smile. The soldier follows him after a moment.

It doesn't take long before Thor turns to Steve and bellows, "Where is she?"  
  
Steve points up and says, "On the roof."

Thor nods and dashes up the stairs. He is on the roof in little more than a second. Loki has Jane down on the floor, twitching. Her eyes, which are wide in fear, flick over to Thor. Her mouth hangs open slightly. She looks completely terrified.

Loki's hand hovers over her, his fingers curled cruelly. He wears a sadistic smirk. His head is tilted down, but his eyes are turned on Thor. He looks so disgustingly similar to the way that he did years ago that Thor's stomach plummets.

"Loki, what are you doing? You said you had changed."

Loki rolls his eyes dramatically and says in an exasperated tone, "Thor, I'm the god of lies. You really think I was telling the truth?"

Thor's heart sinks even further. "What do you want? Just tell me and I will give you whatever you want. Just don't hurt Jane."  
  
Loki laughs softly. "Oh, Thor. You really have gone soft. You say you will give me whatever I want. Anything. Is that true?"

Thor nods and takes a step toward his once-brother. "Yes. I will give you anything. What is it you crave?"

Loki drops his hand and Jane falls still. Her eyelids drop closed and she begins to breathe again. Loki steps over her delicately and stretches his arms out to Thor.

"All I want, Thor, is my brother. You've given so much attention to her lately. It's like I've disappeared again. It's back to how it was when we were small."

Thor looks like a kicked puppy. He brings Loki into his arms and says softly, "I didn't realize. I'm so sorry, brother. I will spend as much time with you as you wish. Every day, if you want. I never thought that you would be upset. I didn't think about that at all. I'm so sorry. Could you forgive me?"

A smile breaks onto Loki's lips. He asks softly, "Thor, do you know what day it is?"

Thor frowns. Has he missed something important? Is today Loki's birthday? Is that why he is so upset?

"No. I'm afraid that I do not. I'm so sorry, Loki. What have I forgotten?"

Loki chuckles and says softly, "It's April Fools' day."  
  
Thor furrows his eyebrows in confusion. "I don't know what that is..."

Loki pulls back and looks up at him. "It is a day where people lie to their friends and family to trick them. It's great fun, really."  
  
Thor just looks even more confused. "I don't understand..."

Loki smiles and says, "Thor. I was tricking you. I don't care at all. I know how it is to be infatuated with someone."

Thor asks hopefully, "So you're not mad at me? You're not upset?"

Loki shakes his head. "Not in the least."

Thor looks relieved. Then a little bit angry.

"Why were you hurting Jane?"

Jane takes this moment to stand up, perfectly unharmed. She smiles at Thor and says, "April Fools'. You have nothing to worry about."

Thor laughs after that. The other Avengers shortly join him. Tony gets caught up in the moment and punches Bruce's shoulder, apparently forgetting that they are standing on the roof. Bruce stumbles, surprised. He teeters closer to the edge and tips off. He plunges down to the ground below, screaming. Tony looks down, horrified.

"Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuce!!!"

The scientist has 'Hulked out' in the fear of the moment. The giant green rage monster is free-falling through the air. When he lands on the road, he narrowly misses a car. Tony rolls over onto his back, relieved that his friend is okay. When he looks back at the others, he sees Bruce standing beside Loki. The two of them are laughing and leaning against one another to keep themselves upright.

"Oh, that is it!"

**Author's Note:**

> By the way, Steve wasn't upset about the possibility of Tony or Loki being gay. More like upset that two people who were already in serious relationships would be getting engaged.  
> Steve is a real hero and he's more concerned about the growing Nazi population.  
> The idea of Loki possibly being pregnant would be a bit strange to him, simply because he's human, and most men can't be pregnant.


End file.
